I have innately been a reserved person almost through my entire life. Sometimes, it depends on the situation. If I am in a room full of people who are talking a lot, I take a step back and stay silent(sometimes till the conversation fully ends and everyone leaves 😂). But when I'm with people like me, its much easier for me to start the conversation.
School : I had an awesome group of friends. We were a bunch of nerds, we studied together and had fun. I didn't know back then, that I was an introvert.
11th-12th grade : We were preparing for the dreaded JEE. I did have people around me and I spoke to them only when I had doubts in the syllabus(or they had doubts) or sometimes just casually had some fun talk to chill out from the stress of preparation. But I couldn't feel that connection with anybody (that I had with my friends in school). I could always feel that competition and some kind of tension between us, if you will. (Note : If any of you who is reading this was there with me my while preparing for JEE, by all means, I don't hate you. It was just me at that moment😅)
University-Present : Then came university when I had to move to a new state altogether. Currently I'm in my 3rd semester (2nd year). Came back home for lockdown after spending just 8 months there. Those 8 months was when this story took a different turn completely. Now, I'm feeling that this post might actually get a little longer than I had anticipated! Anyways, I went to uni after listening to many stories of students like me on the internet, about how life at uni was a turning point for them, how they made the most thickest of their friends, how they enjoyed doing insane activities there etc etc...Naturally, I too went there with a hope that the next four years to come will not fail me and I'll have a good(if not the best) time there. Little did I know that it was not that simple after all !!! As soon as I arrived, due to my social awkwardness and shyness (not introversion. There's a difference between being shy and being introverted) while talking to people I was perceived as someone who doesn't want to talk to others much and needs to be left alone completely and always studies and always sits in the room and doesn't want to interact with anyone and is arrogant and is proud and is a nerd.....They were right in some areas partially. "Some" and "Partially" being the keywords here. I won't justify which of those were right or wrong about me. But there are few things I want to add : I am not arrogant and I don't hate talking to people so much and I DON'T, I repeat, I DON'T want to be left alone all the damn time! I don't even find fault with people though. I didn't do anything to make sure that this wrong impression of me was erased from their heads. I just went on with my life and similarly they went on with their lives too. This led me to making an insane amount of phone calls to my family telling them how I wasn't happy in supposedly one of the best institutions in the country, how I wasn't invited to gatherings and discussions in my very own department, how I cycled back and forth from classrooms alone and didn't really have anyone at uni whom I could call and tell how I was feeling. My family was everything and all I had to keep my sanity in check. Otherwise I'm sure I would've gone crazy there. One time, I told myself firmly "Look Manu, whatever is happening is not right. You have to go and at least try to talk to someone." So I went and started talking to some people in my class with whom I talked only a little before. With all due respect, I didn't like the conversation. Why... I won't tell since someone who's reading this might probably get offended ! That was one of my many failed attempts at approaching people. So I didn't go back to them to keep continuing the talking and they gracefully ignored my presence too! There's so much right now that I want to add here. There was a phase in my first semester, when I met an awesome group of people but sadly that too ended in nothing. Maybe I'll talk about it later.
But I want to end this with something that I want to say to everyone reading this. If you have a person around you who matches the above description, here are few things that you can try doing:
1) Please go and try talking to them. Let me attach a disclaimer here though. Don't overdo it. The person might actually be in a good head space and so, too much interaction might do more harm than good.
2) Take your time while forming an opinion of who someone is. I'll go as far as saying that if you haven't spoken to that person before, then you probably have a wrong notion of their personality.
3) Be welcoming of people with all personality types. This is probably a personal choice and so, I won't talk much about it.
Uh, I can go on and on about this!! But I'm still hopeful for the future. Who knows I might bump into someone who will remind me of my school friends?!! Who knows another attempt of talking to people might lead me to some interesting conversations? I'll keep trying! Anyways before I write an autobiography here, I'll take leave. Bye!