I want to make videos on YouTube and share what I'm learning. But I did an absurd thing just now. I've been planning to make a video since about a week. I planned everything properly, worked on the audio, lighting, wrote a script so that I don't forget the things I have to say. Today was the time to finally film it and what happened finally? Filmed for 20 minutes I think and then I switched everything off. I've ranted too much about this issue in my recent posts. But I'm still stuck. Not because of the technical aspects this time but because I just lost interest in the last moment. Does this mean I should quit YouTube or am I over thinking or am I chasing perfection which is anyways unattainable or is it because I'm being too hard on myself or am I crazy? Does making short but informative videos solve this issue? Does quitting solve this issue? But I don't want to give up. I still enjoy editing and I want to weave a story using videos. I enjoy that. But sitting for hours together to film a tutorial. Ugh I somehow feel it is not my cup of tea. Or it might be my cup of tea but since I'm putting too much burden on myself to be perfect, I might not be enjoying it right now. There are too many questions in my head and no answers. I'll leave here. I'll think about this. I need to figure this out. Otherwise my mental peace is going to be disturbed. This needs some serious thinking. Because I'm wasting a lot of time on this. Over thinking too much. This has to be figured out.
Update:
Thinking about this more has led to me to understand how wrong some of my assumptions about making videos are. To relieve myself of the pressure of perfection, I'll start by making short videos about things that I'm good at. Maybe CSS, SVGs, GSAP etc... This way, after being consistent for some time, I'll move to the longer videos that require a bigger investment of time and energy. By that time, probably I'll lose this habit of burdening myself too much with expectations. Also, with CSS art, animations etc.. I find it much more enjoyable to do it on the spot, than doing once before the video to see how it turns out and then do it again for the video. Live streaming can be an option too. Might as well try that. But first this illusion of perfection has to leave. I'll work on that. I'll be consistent. Let's try this now!